don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
