If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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