we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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