I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
