the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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