What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
