I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
This is the high leading the old right now
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
