you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize