apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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