Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
