if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
