dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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