stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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