When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
