Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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