i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
