I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
