What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
