I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I have aggressive nipples.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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