If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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