Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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