Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
