Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
