Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Randomize
