thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
