so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
