So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
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