Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
