Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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