1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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