you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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