That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Randomize
