epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
it's not cheating when I paid for it
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
