so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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