I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
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