I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Randomize
