oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
