so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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