How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
