Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize