I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
