thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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