Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
