Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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