thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
BRING THE BAGELS
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
