Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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