I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
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