i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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