Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
