I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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