I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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