I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
