Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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