this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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