After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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