Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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