I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
