I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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