I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
