I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
