Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
