i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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