It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
