Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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