remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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