i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
