i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
