Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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