she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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