Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
