well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
So gin and wine won't be happening again
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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