the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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