So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
