so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
