You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
