so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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